Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Allah 2 - this time it's personal...

I have decided to have another go. Even I have to admit the last shot was a bit of a disaster.
Here's my plan:
I will create sentient beings. Just like last time, I will communicate with them via specially chosen mouthpieces whom I shall refer to as "Prophets".
These Prophets will all be male. Obviously. Because I am.
They will all come from the same, small part of the planet. Obviously. I like sand.

I shall insist that these creatures accept it was me who created them. I want some recognition, dammit!

I shall also insist that they worship me. I said, I want some recognition. Is that too much to ask?

Once more I shall test these little critters in various ways. (For example, I shall create substances that make them feel good and then ban them from tasting it, or even being around those who fall prey to its temptations. And I shall give some of them desires that, although overwhelming and natural, I shall deem to be perverse and which I shall ban them from acting upon.) If they fail these tests I shall use this to judge whether to send them to a place where I shall inflict unspeakable tortures on them for ever. If they pass these tests, however, and spend their entire lives worshiping me, I shall send them to a place where they can indulge their most base sexual fantasies..for ever (if they're male and heterosexual...of course).

I'm also going to have another shot at leaving some confusingly convincing signs that I didn't actually create them. I loved the evolution one last time, my those fossils were a blast! And as for the junk DNA, what a stroke of genius that was!

I'll also endow some of them with intelligence and curiosity again. (That's always good for a laugh!) When these ones start to question the inherent contradictions and injustices in my laws and stories, I'll torture them for an eternity as well.

And I'm going to demand that my creatures refer to me as The most merciful of all who are merciful. Because the irony of that one never ceases to crease me up, and I need some entertainment in between all the torturing.

Oh, and one last thing...I'll jot down all my thoughts and ramblings in a book which I'll have dictated to one of my Prophets. Then I'll shut up and let them get on with it. For over a thousand years. I won't say a word.

What can possibly go wrong?

(Actually, come to think of it, it's going to be much like the last time...)


  1. There are not much research out there on the history of the compilation of the Quran, which happened after the death of Muhammad. Certainly the Muslims would not go into in as it would imply that they are questioning the authenticity of the Quran, and also questioning God's assurance to guard its sacredness.

    THe method used by Bukhary and Muslim in compiling the Sahih Hadeeths were also nearly never discussed, certainly not by layman muslims. Layman muslims are not even exposed to the various contradictions of the hadeeths. For example, the allowance to jama' (combine) the solaah (cutting the frequency from 5 times a day to 3 times) for trevellers, there are hadeeth saying that this could be done up to 3 days, while other hadeeth states that it can be done up to 19 days.

    Methods to determine some fatwa was also exclusive, pretty much to the Ulama's. Muslims started to question the authority for some of the fatwas made by their ulama's, stating their lack of expertise in many fields as one reason, among others. Islam would not recognise a personal interpretation of hadeeth and the Quran, with those who do that would be at least outcast within the muslim society, or worse, prosecuted.

    Would love to see some the the method of setting the laws in Islam being scrutinized. Muslim would not do it, perhaps the western world can.


  2. "I shall insist that these creatures accept it was me who created them. I want some recognition, dammit!"

    Humans all want recognition for their achievement and their status.
    If anyone you know says they don't care about being recognized, you can test them by insulting them or shutting them off, and seeing if they are bothered or not.
    So, to be consistent, we should recognize the One Who created us.
    He doesn't need it; we are the ones being inconsistent and hypocritical if we do not recognize Him, and we are failing to live up to the demands of our dependence on Him.

  3. So you seem to be saying that Allah is just like us...surely not a great way to ingratiate yourself to him...

    1. He is not like us at all.
      For example, He will not be questioned about what He does; we will be questioned by Him.
      People who are too lazy or hypocritical to show respect to their Lord while demanding respect and recognition from others for themselves are being *unjust*, arrogant, inconsistent, and irrational.
      God demands justice and fairness from us in our attitudes to everyone...including Him.
      We have no ability to make any demands on Him though.

    2. I'm not sure I follow your logic. One the one hand your tell us that it's inconsistent for us to want recognition whilst not seeing that therefore God must also require it...and then you say He is not like us at all.