Friday, January 3, 2014

Top 10 reasons to convert to Islam in 2014

Revert to Islam in 2014 if...

1. ... you dislike questioning authority and are happier taking things on trust. Islam is for you in 2014 because Allah makes a point of telling his followers not to ask questions (the answers to which could cause distress and might lead them to leave Islam). (5:101-102) In fact He even recounts how some followers did ask awkward questions and promptly lost their faith. So relax in 2014 and leave those niggling theological doubts to others to worry about. But before you convert, ask yourself what sort of question might destroy faith and, more pertinently perhaps, what sort of faith can be destroyed by asking a question.

2. love the romance and excitement of foreign languages and fashion. Yes, the attraction of the different and the exotic... the feeling of belonging and superiority that using jargon others don't understand confers on you! If all that appeals then Islam is for you in 2014. No wonder so many Brits are (apparently) converting. To convert you'll need to say the shahada (there's that exoticism again) in Arabic (God doesn't like English, you see) and when you pray it'll be in Arabic as well (such a romantic and exciting language!) Try it now and tell me it doesn't send a shiver down your spine...lā ʾilāha ʾillā-llāh, muḥammadun rasūlu-llāh. But before you convert, ask yourself why God would demand you address him in a language you don't understand. 

3. secretly admire and long for the regimentation of those with OCD. You'll feel right at home in Islam in 2014. The instructions on how to wash, sorry- perform wudu- before you pray, for example can be up to 20 lines long* (and you thought washing your hands three times before making a sandwich made you a cert for OCD...) But before you convert, ask yourself if it's healthy to encourage obsessive behaviour such that the occurrence of OCD in Islamic countries is considered a major problem even by Muslim psychologists . Ironically, the prevalence of such obsessive thoughts has led to a theological explanation which lends a special (exotic...) term to them: wasaawis, wherein shaytan (Satan) is blamed for the problem (that's really going to help the poor sufferers gain a handle on the problem...)

4. believe in fairies. You're going to feel right at home believing in desert sprites made of smokeless fire, then. These desert sprites are called jinn and you'll love believing in these little critters who are invisible (although they can see you) and who delight in teasing humans (although if you recite the last surah in the Qur'an constantly then they can't touch you - obsessive compulsive? nah...) To find out more about jinn see here. But before you convert, ask yourself if you really want to subscribe to a religion which requires a belief in supernatural beings originating with the pagan Arabs (jinni) and so obviously a by-product of trying to find an explanation for the frightening natural phenomena found in the desert such as mini twisters and moaning sand dunes (terrifying when you don't understand the cause!)

5. believe all the whacky tales in the Old Testament word-for-word. You think Noah really did build an Ark to save the animals from the flood (43 references in 27 chapters in the Qur'an) . You  believe Jonah really was swallowed by a whale and lived inside it reciting prayers (37:139-144). In that case, Islam is for you. But before you convert, ask yourself why God should demand you dismiss all common sense and scientific rationalism (the common sense and scientific laws that He gave us supposedly) before you can believe in Him.

6. think belief in God is more important than leading a good life helping others and you are happy to believe in and worship a deity who regards belief in Him as the be-all-and-end-all, His raison d'etre, the sine qua non... to the extent that a murderer who repents and accepts Islam in his dying moments has more chance of entering paradise, according to Islam, than a doctor working selflessly in Africa dedicating his life to others but who rejects the idea of religion.

7. think men excel over women (4:34), are more reliable witnesses then women, that women are more likely to go to hell than men (Bukhari hadith), that men should be allowed to sleep with their (sex) slaves (4:24), that women are deficient in intellect (2:282), that women who disobey their husbands should be beaten (4:34), that men should be allowed more than one wife (4:3)...then 2014 is the year for you to become a Muslim. But before you convert, ask yourself why God should be so misogynistic when He (!) created all of us...apparently. (Or is it just perhaps that the Abrahamic religions were conceived by MEN...)

8. believe the dawahists who tell you God planted evidence for his omnipotence in the scientific knowledge we can find in the Qur'an. Such knowledge, they say, is miraculous because no-one who lived in the 7th century in Arabia and was illiterate could have known such things. But before you convert, ask yourself why God should have chosen to describe the evidence in such opaque and ambiguous terms so that they are open to numerous interpretations (embryology, cosmology etc.), and have chosen facts that were already known and described by previous ancient civilisations (embryology, honey, etc.).

9. are happy to accept that God creates some of us with appalling disabilities or disease as a test whereas others have tests such as living long, healthy lives in loving families and comfortable surroundings. You are happy also to accept the argument that those who bear their afflictions will be rewarded by an eternity in Paradise and that this life is but nothing compared to that. But before you convert, ask yourself where is the justice even in this skewed view of the world where to accept such a premise logically leads each and every one of us to regret not being tested with an awful, painful, short life so as to gain a quick ticket to Paradise.

10. are a homophobe.

Wash your hands. Use your left hand to wash your right hand. Do this three times. After that, use your right hand to wash your left hand three times. Make sure to wash in between your fingers and all the way up to your wrists Take water into your mouth. Use your right hand to cup water into your mouth three times. Swish it around in your cheeks and the back of your throat. Do this thoroughly to get all the remaining food in your mouth out. Inhale water into your nose. Use your right hand to cup water and inhale it into your nose three times. You can use your left hand to close one nostril and blow out if you need to. Snort sharply and abruptly without taking too much water into your nose and choking yourself.Wash your face. Wash your face three times by spreading your hands from your right ear to the left, and from the edge of the hair to the chin.Wash your lower arms from wrists to elbows, leaving no part dry. From your wrist to your elbow, wash your right arm with your left hand three times and then wash your left arm with your right hand three times.Clean your head. Using your wet hands, gently wipe your forehead from the eyebrow to the hairline. Also wipe down your hair, the back of your neck, and your temples. Do this one time.Wipe your ears inside and out. With the same water, use your finger to clean all the crevices of your ear. Use your thumb to clean behind your ears from the bottom upward. This is also done one time.Wash each of your feet. Clean up to the the ankles and be sure water goes between the toes. Use your pinky finger and go through each toe to eliminate anything between. Start with your right foot and scrub each foot three times. While pointing the right index finger to the sky, recite a brief prayer of witness. Generally, the prayer is as follows: "Ash-hadu anlaa ilaaha illALLAHu wahdahuu laa shariikalahu, wa ash-hadu anna Muhammadan 'abduhuu wa rasuuluhu."


  1. interesting point about OCD and Islam. worth a post on its own, I'd have thought.
    In fact OCD and Judaism is even more marked - but that's another story...

  2. I don't trust islam. Especially the don't ask questions thing. Really? How stable is a religion that cannot handle questions from its members? Your righ. It is defenitely for those not comfortable with questioning authority. More suited for those who prefer not to notice the cliff they're being led over is what it sounds like. But if thats what floats your boat, good luck with it!

  3. I'm a Muslim and I've always question things in Islam, especially when it comes to the subject of why things are prohibited. I'm not sure which Muslim community you guys are familiar with, but I grew up learning about Islam which is about always questioning God's creation. I was led this blog by the very same questioning spirit. And each time I found the answer by my own accord, it further strengthens my faith.

    I'm also disappointed at the state of Islam currently. Many people just follow what is told in Islam without questioning it. Why do we pray 5 times a day, why to we fast, we can't we drink alcohol and eat pork... I wish my fellow Muslims would seek out answers to this question instead of blindly following what was told to them since they were young in hopes this would further strengthen this beliefs.

    1. I also am a Muslim I'm I totally agree with the comment above and I would like to point out the ignorance of some in not doing thorough research before making such definite statements which is show in the fact that 2 real Muslims right now are telling you that what is said above is incorrect but you guys just assumed that it was all true.

  4. Point number 6 is a common misconception in not only Islam but also many other monotheistic religion. I stumble upon this premise when I started pondering, "What happens to people whom never came into contact with any monotheistic religion for example tribes who live in forest who had no contact with the outside world. Do they all go to Hell?"
    I would attempt to not only defend Islam, but also many other religion whom are subjected to this misconception

    And I found a short and sweet answer to it.
    "grace is in the hands of Allah. He gives it to whomsoever He pleases"

    Sure it sounds like an easy answer to every problem, leave it to God, something we can't physically interact with our sense but I find this statement to be true on many levels. Our concern is not who goes to heaven or hell, that is up to God to decided. We are encourage to spread the word of God but in the end its up to individual if they would want to receive God or not. And even if they chose to accept or not, it does not guarantee them a place in heaven or hell. I love Islam for providing many paths to heaven, the straight forward path of discipline or many of the convoluted ones.

    A murderer who repents and convert to Islam before his death sentence does he go to Heaven? Only God knows
    A doctor working selflessly in Africa dedicating his life to others but who rejects the idea of religion, does he go to hell? Only God knows

    As an individual with non-Muslim grandparents, it would be a get-out-of-Islam sign if my religion allows people to dictate who goes into heaven or not.

    1. Then is it ironically un-islamic that some 'hardcore' Islamic/Muslim countries, are fast to prosecute (hence have taken the effort to turn it into law) people who drinks alcohol, not covering aurah (parts of bodies not to be shown to public), or the outright banning of arts and entertainment (e.g. kite flying in Afghanistan during the Taliban era)?

      If Islam doesn't give authority to anybody to brand, let alone prosecute, people who doesn't believe, do 'sinful' act, or simply have a different interpretation of Islam, then many Islamic/Muslim countries are at wrong. Is this the case?


  5. Muslim readers of this blog would come from various 'fikrah' (islamic/arabic term that can be understood as 'school of thought'), and they won't be able to agree with eachother. I'm not just referign to Sunni and Shi'ah, or the mazhabs under Sunni (Shafie, Maliki, Hanbali, Hanafi).

    There are muslims being labelled as 'Liberal', or 'Fundemental', which may not agree to the traditional interpretation of Islam and its teachings (as written by major Scholars/Ulama's in their traditional books/kitaab). These, according to my own branding, 'new' groups if Muslims, are those who are trying hard to find/create/conclude justifications for some of the inexplicable elements in Islam, hence those explanation such as the 7 heavens being 7 layers of atmosphere, and that not all non-muslims would go to hell. these 'new' muslim take islam as a source of motivation for a better life.

    In a way, it is good that they aspire to live a good life. However, if they ask any authoritative scholars of Islam, they would here them say that 'islam is to be taken wholly, not partly'. Hence if there is an authentic hadeeth saying that Gog and Magog (Ya'juj & Ma'juj) will come out of the ground at the end of time, this has to be believed and expected. These 'new' muslims only like to hear hadeeth saying that you should love your parents, or one that says you should control your anger. They like hadeeth saying that the prophet is romantic and was often playfull with his wives, but choose to ignore the fact that he seemed to prefer Aisyah because he spend days with Aisyah, and only take turns with other wives at night.

    My point is, if you take time to learn more about Islam, learn more about the tafseer or Quran, and Hadeeths, and if you do this with a rational mind, you could not help but have lots of questions about Islam.

    by the way, the long Hadeeth about the end of time (when Dajjal came, Gog and Magog appear, Imaam Mahadi decend, followed by Jesus) is quite interesting, if Spinoza care to write about that. The Ulama i heard teaching this Hadeeth also post the question 'Do you guys believe this?' to his congregation, because I think, to him, it was also too much to swallow.

    I hope I made some sense.


  6. I embraced Islam because i refused to believe that human can be made out of dead stuff by total accident, just like i don't believe statue of David can be made out of dead stuff by total accident - even if it takes trillion of years.

  7. Rubaya Binte SirajJuly 11, 2014 at 7:40 PM

    Funny. So what stuff is God made of? And was it an accident? And before you say God is beyond these things then tell me why can't this universe be like that?